My first thought when seeing this was: “How the fuck is NO ONE else on this subway STARING at this guy when he’s quilting while wearing a hat, pants, and VEST that he also probably quilted?”
My second thought was: “Oh, they probably aren’t staring at him because he’s MENTALLY DERANGED and clearly UNSTABLE.”
My third thought was: “But look at the detail on those pieces. It appears psycho is actually an incredibly skilled quilter”
My fourth thought was: “I should add this to LOLnyc because I haven’t posted on there FOR A MINUTE, yo.
My fifth thought was: “Wait, isn’t he KNITTING not quilting? Fuck it”
How to get your money’s worth out of a $100 MTA ticket in 15 easy steps!
Step 1: Have it be raining outside
Step 2: Walk outside of office, towards subway station.
Step 3: Walk by two guerrilla marketing people representing Nokia who happen to be giving out FREE Nokia Umbrella’s
Step 4: Consider yourself auspicious and happily walk towards Union Square subway station.
Step 5: Realize 6 train is about to leave, run down stairs, and stick new found umbrella in between closing subway car doors. Use leverage of high-quality, free umbrella/crowbar to pry doors open doors.
Step 6: Continue prying for about 8 seconds until doors finally open
Step 7: Invite other almost-too-late passengers to join you
Step 8: Be hero for a moment
Step 9: Have undercover cop show you his badge and order you off of the train
Step 10: Expletive!
Step 11: Look at other cop there up and down and make confused face because he looks like an freshman computer science major at NYU (because he’s Asian)
Step 12: Don’t acknowledge or apologize that your broke the MTA’s law because its never worth kissing a pigs cops ass under any circumstance.
Step 13: Realize that your getting a ticket for this so break out lines you think are funny and that also annoy cops such as:
- “You guys really fooled me, you DEFINITELY don’t look like cops at all!”
- “This is by far the hottest subway platform in the city. You guys have to stand here all day? Wow!”
- “You guys must be right out of cadet school, right? No way a cop with tenure gets this beat! LOL!”
Step 14: When the cop hands you ticket that says $100, say “That’s it? No problem”.
Step 15: Don’t say “thanks”. Instead just stand there until cop realizes that you aren’t going to say thanks or bye and he awkwardly walks away.
The Dancing Black Man of Staten Island. More famous than you might think. BUT, the question lies - Can he out dance the Dancing Granny? Only one way to decide…DANCE OFF!
WHY IS THIS MAN PLAYING THE BAGPIPES BY HIMSELF ON THE STREET OUTSIDE OF MY APARTMENT?
AND NOW WOMEN ARE HITTING ON HIM? WHAT’S GOING ON? IS HE A BAGPIMP?
Seriously though, only in LOLnyc does a man dress up in bagpipe uniform then play that shit on the fuckin sidewalk. THERE IS NO PARADE OCCURING now or in the near future. It’s not Scotland day or any shit like that. This man put on the kilt and the whole shibang to stand outside on a residential street SOLO and play bagpipes for over two straight hours. He wasn’t bad but he wasn’t definitely wasn’t great by any means. Even the best bagpipe player in the world can only go 10 minutes MAX before it begins irritate EVERYONE.
AND NOW THIS BUSH-FIRE IS HITTING ON HIM? This is right after he placed his bagpipe in his WHITE MINIVAN. Look how his hands are on his hips all nonchalant and shit.
TWO. HOURS. STRAIGHT.
Look at the products this grocery store is promoting on their front windows.
This image was captured at a Gramercy grocery market in LOLnyc. With store window advertising, the you typically want to promote the HOTTEST products you have to offer at the LOWEST prices. When a walker-by sees that, you want them to think “OH MY GAWD I NEED THAT, LIKE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW HELL YAH”
So the manager of this store figures, ok, how can we persuade the people outside to feel compelled enough to walk inside the store? The managers thought processs might have gone something like…
Hmmm. I know, lets put up an ad for…
Gundelsheim Barrel Pickles! We’ll take a picture of a fork next to a plate with these chunky bad boys! Mmm Mmm! Salty phallic shaped fruit, can’t beat it!
TORANI Hazelnut Syrup! OH SHIT I should pick me up somaDAT! I was thinking about how I need to find a way to make my morning coffee more nutterrific. Let’s throw a bowl out there with nuts just spewing over the edge of it for aesthetics.
Nothing gets a person to walk in a store like Dundee Marmalade smeared on some toast on a green plate. Last time we had a sale on marmalade, two 90 year old women had a fist fight over the last jar. It was a BLOODBATH.
That Vitamin Water sale is actually legit so I’ll give ‘em that. Seriously though, what kinda shit are you promoting here? Fuckin Hazelnut syrup? GET REAL
6 Ancillary benefits to wearing headphones while commuting in LOLnyc
This bench napper failed to harness the POWER that Four Loko contains and his eyelids shut. However, I would not be shocked if his heart was beating at breakneck speeds underneath that bootleg Adidas jacket.
You may remember similar nonsense on LOLnyc with this post
John D. Rockefeller would be proud.
Seen at the Atlantic - Pacific Subway stop in Brooklyn, LOLnyc, the Churrontrepreneur handles each precious piece of inventory with care, diligence, and precision. Possessing a keen instinct for market trends, she is able to accurately forecast churro demand so her supply is always capable of fulfilling the needs of her target market, regardless of unanticipated swoons caused by homeless man urine stench.
To some, it may just be thick, coiled fritter of fried dough in a filthy subway terminal. To others, it’s a financial instrument in a board room on the top floor of a building on Exchange Plaza
Insurance Advertisement with Hidden Racism
Behold Dancing Granny in all her glory.
Dancing Granny decided that Starbucks on 29th and Park this particular Tuesday morning was the most perfect forum for her to shake it. And dance a little too? Definitely stretch.
If can clear out the cackling voice of the lady in front of me, you will hear the soulful sounds of Al Green’s “I Can’t Get Next To You”. The title of that song conveniently defines this Granny’s particular dancing style, Jack. Because if you get next to her, you will fall victim to her pendulum arms or capricious hip moves and therefore, “not be able to get next to her”
I’d also like to compare Granny’s spin moves to that of a dreidel spun by a goy for the first time in his life.
