December 2011
1 post
3 tags
August 2011
1 post
4 tags
How to get your money's worth out of a $100 MTA...
Step 1: Have it be raining outside
Step 2: Walk outside of office, towards subway station.
Step 3: Walk by two guerrilla marketing people representing Nokia who happen to be giving out FREE Nokia Umbrella’s
Step 4: Consider yourself auspicious and happily walk towards Union Square subway station.
Step 5: Realize 6 train is about to leave, run down stairs, and stick new found umbrella...
May 2011
3 posts
3 tags
2 tags
WHY IS THIS MAN PLAYING THE BAGPIPES BY HIMSELF ON...
AND NOW WOMEN ARE HITTING ON HIM? WHAT’S GOING ON? IS HE A BAGPIMP?
Seriously though, only in LOLnyc does a man dress up in bagpipe uniform then play that shit on the fuckin sidewalk. THERE IS NO PARADE OCCURING now or in the near future. It’s not Scotland day or any shit like that. This man put on the kilt and the whole shibang to stand outside on a residential street SOLO and play...
March 2011
1 post
3 tags
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
2 posts
3 tags
December 2010
3 posts
3 tags
3 tags
4 Unessacery Notes
A man is walking down 23rd street. He has headphones in his ears. He is singing “waka flaka flame what the fuck you thinkin ni**a!” He is holding his girlfriends hand.
Brooklyn: Where the dorkiest and most unecessary glasses define how cool you are.
I am unable to spell unessescary without using a spellchecker
That is all*
*Counts as one of the 4 unnessesery notes
November 2010
1 post
3 tags
Odd NYC Conversations - Part 2
This is part 2 of an odd October morning last year. To read part 1, scroll down on the home page of LOLnyc....So I take the subway to my stop in lower midtown Manhattan and decide to grab a coffee before I head into my office. While in the coffee shop, There's a black guy standing by the register. He was a guy that appeared to be on "some tough luck" or just "a filthy bum," however you wanna look at it. For being a filthy bum, he was rather eloquent. Our conversation goes like this...
Filthy Bum: Hey man, who do you think is better qualified to lead our country, John McCain or Barack Obama?
Me: Um, Probably Obama
Filthy Bum: Yeah Me too, he seems like he knows whats goin on, ya know, like on the streets more than McCain, ya know?
Me: Exactly
Filthy Bum: Hey Man, you got a $1.75, I'm tryin to catch a train
Me: What train? We're in a coffee shop?
Filthy Bum: hahaha
Me: Ok, I'll give you a dollar and whatever change I get from my coffee
Filthy Bum: uh ok yeah
Me: (hands him a dollar bill and 40 cents) look you only need 55...I mean 40...um, 35 cents now
Filthy Bum: Hey man, white people always be taking care of the black man, nah mean?
Me: I take care of any man, black, white, Puerto Rican, or Asain and...
Filthy Bum: Haha YEAH YEAH Man! Hey you ever see the movie Transformers?
Me: Um, yeah
Filthy Bum: This reminds me of when Optimus Prime was like (in his best Optimus Prime voice) "Our planet was a great empire, like peaceful and shit, until we were betrayed by Megatron and he fucked us over and shit"
Me: Why does right now remind you of that?
Filthy Bum: (looks at me with blank face)
Me: Hey man, I'm goin down this street, but keep keep watching movies man, keep watching movies
October 2010
4 posts
2 tags
2 tags
Odd NYC Conversations - Part 1
I moved to LOLnyc for the action, drama, and random circumstance that makes it so desultory living here. I got my share of weirdness on an October morning before I even walked into my office.It starts of immediately when I stepped out of my apartment building door today. I had a suit on because I have an off-site meeting and I had my rent check in my hand as well. A very odd girl and I had the following conversation...
Odd Girl: Hey look at you Mr. Handsome wearing a suit.
Me: Uhhh, look at me
Odd Girl: What are doing looking all handsome, delivering envelopes?
Me: Um
Odd Girl: Do you have any extra envelopes? Can I have an envelope?
Me: Um, I think I have an envelope, why...? (not realizing where she was heading)
Odd Girl: Can you be my envelope delivery person? huh? Can you?
Me: Um, what? I have to pay rent now k bye
...Obviously caught off guard by her off color flattery, I proceeded to walk towards to subway station. Stay Tuned for Part 2 Tomorrow.
Man Caught Wearing Female Hawaiian Clothing While...
This photo was snapped at around 10:00am on an LOLnyc Autumn morn.
NO its not a female, in case the bulky calves and meaty forearms didn’t throw you off. This is a Male and YES, he is dressed up as a native Hawaiian lady.
Sporting a Hula skirt, a rolled up belly-exposing Hawaiian style top, two pretty orange leis, and cross training New Balances - This Moke is ready to paint the...
3 tags
September 2010
3 posts
2 tags
CAT FOR SALE - NYC
Hi everyone,
This cat is for sale. It decent, but sometimes it’s annoying because it does the following…
…gets upset and bites the hand that feeds it…
…occasionally looks like a soaked-demonic-handicapped-tarantula…
…yoozing a bed, ur doin it rong…
…is a close talker.
Serious inquires only. Please email...
August 2010
4 posts
4 tags
4 tags
2 tags
July 2010
6 posts
3 tags
5 tags
6 Ancillary Benefits of Wearing Headphones While...
We all know that the primary reason for wearing headphones is so you can listen to your music while not revealing to others that you love Ace of Base and whatever new EMO vampire teen music is popular at the moment. The people of NYC won’t be caught DEAD without their iPod while they’re commuting on subways, buses, and streets.
Of course, passing the time with your...
3 tags
1 tag
Subway Etiquette #17: Hogging the AC
When its 103 degrees in the city, and the MTA going through budget cuts slashes the amount of trains, and the amount of trains with working AC’s…Why on earth should you stand directly under the AC and put your arms on both sides of the vents so the air goes directly to you only?
Power move yes, but oh so poor etiquette.
Credit - @DHalioua
Internal Monologue of Gray on Gray Guy In the...
What you are about to read is an internal monologue of the guy in the picture before he leaves his apartment in the morning.
Hmmm let’s see what to wear today, what-to-wear. Well, I haven’t wore these shiny gray pants in a while. It’s been like 3 days. So lets just squeeze these bad boys on and work from there. That’s the best way to do it. Pants THEN shirt....
June 2010
6 posts
2 tags
Look at This Travesty - NYC Taxi
In case you didn’t know - Bus drivers don’t give a fuck.
Photo Credit
2 tags
3 tags
Conversation between Pizza Patron and Wishful Bus...
Pizza Patron: (to pizza place employee) How 'bout USA team HUH?!?!
Employee of Pizza Place: Yes, good.
Pizza Patron: We're gonna STOMP Ghana!
Employee of Pizza Place: Yes.
Pizza Patron: We're Gonna STOMP Spain!!
Employee of Pizza Place: Yes.
Pizza Patron: We're gonna STOMP Germany!!! (claps loudly) I'll have a Chicken Roll.
Employee of Pizza Place: (sighs, walks to put roll in oven)
Wishful Bus Rider: Yes, USA! (high five gesture)
Pizza Patron: Uh, ok (bumps fist instead)
Wishful Bus Rider: Hey man, I just got out of the hospital you see (shows hospital bracelet) and I really need to take the bus uptown...do you have any spare change?
Pizza Patron: Oh I see. Um, I'll tell ya what - I'll give you the change after I buy this chicken roll here.
Wishful Bus Rider: Yeah yeah ok man I got it. Hey, you ever hear of Blue Diamonds?
Pizza Patron: Blue whats?
Wishful Bus Rider: Blue Diamonds, You ever hear of it?
Pizza Patron: Um no.
Wishful Bus Rider: Hey Pizza man! Blue Diamonds, You ever hear of it?
Employee of Pizza Place: (Shakes head no, rolls eyes)
Wishful Bus Rider: Well check this out! (reveals cheap looking earring with blue gems in it)
Pizza Patron: Ok great.
Wishful Bus Rider: What do you think this here is worth?
Pizza Patron: I dunno, 8 bucks?
Wishful Bus Rider: 8 bucks! No way, I'd say I'd get 10 or 15 THOUSAND from a pawn shop!
Pizza Patron: HAHA ok, if that's worth 15 thousand why the HELL you asking me for change buddy?
Wishful Bus Rider: Do you see any pawn shops around here? Hell no! I need change so I can take the bus uptown to the Pawn Shops and get my 15 thousand!
Pizza Patron: I suppose that makes sense actually. Here 50 cents buddy. Good luck.
Wishful Bus Rider: No i don't need luck!
Pizza Patron: Yes. Yes you do.
4 tags
Lets Nap On a Periodical Dispenser, Shall We?
I imagine that this NYC gentleman’s day went as follows.
9:04 am - Awoke from drunken slumber and failed late night Tompkins Square Park mugging
9:17 am - Found soiled pair of khakis in garbage can on 2nd and 4th. Kicks over garbage can.
9:20 am - Puts Khakis on while still wearing jeans
9:44 am - Discovers half eaten bagel in garbage. Eats Bagel. Licks fingers.
10:08 am - Grabs fat...
1 tag
Ready For NYC Hot Garbage?
If you have ever taken an extended jaunt around the New York City in the Summer time then you should be cognizant of the offensive odors that lurk around each corner. The unsightly beast that menaces your nasal cavity with each breath you take.
Yes. You know it!
NYC HOT GARBAGE!
The abhorrent stench of empty Tasty D cups, half full diner containers, drug needles, and dog shit bags lie at...
May 2010
6 posts
3 tags
Dog Rides Motorcycle Down 5th Ave. Wearing...
Its not everyday that you see a dog sporting shades riding on a motorcycle. It’s more like every other day.
Ignoring standard cycle operating procedures aside, Sparky did want to avoid the penetrating glare of the Sun while maneuvering through the 5th avenue midday traffic. He left the hipster/wafer styled Ray Bans at home and chose the more aerodynamic pair instead. He was heard saying...
3 tags
Union Square playground now includes boiling hot... →
2 tags
Overheard Conversation Between Guy Holding Door...
Guy Holding Door: Oh, let me get that for you
Elderly Lady: Thank you...Oh, watch your tootsies there!
Guy Holding Door: What the fuck is a tootsie?
Elderly Lady: (mouth gaped open)
2 tags
April 2010
7 posts
3 tags
3 tags
The Parallels of Internet and Wifi
After toiling inside a downtown Manhattan courtroom as Juror for the entire morning, the high chief commander of LOLnyc thought it was a prudent move to embrace the foodie culture on Spring Street.
Many folks have mentioned Lombardi's as the best pizza place in NYC. Obviously, this would also mean the best pizza in the world.
Upon entering the highly regarded establishment, the high chief asked the hostess if they had wifi available so internet browsing could commence. The convo went like this...
LOLnyc: Do you have wifi available here?
Host: No I'm sorry we do not LOLnyc: oh, that's alright.
(30 seconds passes)
LOLnyc: what about internet access? Is that available?
Host: oh yes sir! We have that.
LOLnyc: oooookay then
(30 seconds pass)
LOLnyc: Are you aware of the parallels of the internet and wifi?
Host: Your seat is ready sir, right this way.
Not sure if it is the best pizza in the world, but it parallels it.
2 tags
2 tags
Dead Trees and 1000 Ducks
Overheard on LIRR: 45 Year Old, White, Balding, Thick-Accented Long Islander
Ya gotta go to ya grandmuddas and clean up doze dead trees in ha back yahd
Da Ronkonkama line flies…one time my buddy was drivin and I was on the train and he hit a couple of traffic lights and I beat him to awr card game in Holtsville
I can’t stand deez gurls textin me…I cancelled my text messagin...
March 2010
6 posts
4 tags
