Seen in the 23rd street Greenline station of LOLnyc, this man succumbed to the childhood urge of creating a fortress to deter anyone from violating his space.
But instead of pillows and couch cushions, he thought that filthy garbage, cardboard, and broken umbrellas were more sustainable structural outer layer options.
I’m confident that he was there until his Mommy told him that supper was on. And when I say “Mommy” I really mean “police” and when I say “supper was on” I really mean “What the fuck are you doing guy?”
I apologize for the blurry photo but you get the gist here.
Oh and let me just write this so the search engines can find this photo. CHICKEN SKUNK SUBWAY BAND XYLOPHOLKS CELLO THAT INSTRUMENT THAT YOU PLAYED IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BUT YOU CANT REMEMBER ITS NAME OH YEAH ITS A XYLOPHONE DUH
Seen in Grand Central, this follically aggressive person turned out to be the Scottish wizard of train schedules. I was running late and he pointed me to the correct terminal immediately.
Taco Bell Food Now Includes Surgeon-General-Type Warnings
The two photos above were taken by a hungry white male at 12:00am on a summer weeknight in New York’s Penn Station. It is a collage of two photos of the ordering area of the Taco Bell restaurant where Long Islanders purge on various kangaroo parts (ground beef) poultry extremities (chicken) and refurbished pig udders mix (bacon).
You’ll notice that the photo on the left is taped on the wall to the IMMEDIATE right of where you place the order. It is at eye level and about 18 inches away from your face right before you began your journey into fast food oblivion. Its impossible not to look at. We should give the Taco Bell corporation the type of credit they deserve for being honest and posting the actual results of eating their product in such plain site. Bravo!
If you read the first numbered line that’s underlined on the right photo - You’ll realize it is telling you the future…
…It’s telling you YOUR FATE…
…Its telling you of the consequence of comsuming the food…
…It’s telling you that you’re gonna vomit and/or have diarreahs later!
On the contrary, when this guy drinks warm milk he goes FUCKIN BANANAS!
6 Ancillary Benefits of Wearing Headphones While Commuting in NYC
We all know that the primary reason for wearing headphones is so you can listen to your music while not revealing to others that you love Ace of Base and whatever new EMO vampire teen music is popular at the moment. The people of NYC won’t be caught DEAD without their iPod while they’re commuting on subways, buses, and streets.
Of course, passing the time with your favorite song BLASTING is a pastime of any urban denizen. But there are other ancillary benefits of wearing headphones while in LOLnyc. Such as…
1) Ignoring the bums and hobos that ask you for change without looking like a rude dickcock
2) Acting oblivious to the Environmental Activist douchebags standing in front of Whole Foods who try to get you to listen to them say “bro, do you want to save the environment bro?” No, you idiot but you can though. First thing you can do is to STOP handing out PAPER FUCKIN PAMPHLETS that people immediately litter.
3) Drowning out the steel drum bands that play their shitty original music in the major subway hubs
4) To muffle the fat lady who’s disregarding her 7 babies who won’t stop crying because they haven’t anything but street meat and Ecto Cooler for the last week.
5) So you can show the hot girl/guy next to you on the subway that your sensitive by blasting Jack Johnson and other emo bonfire rock music.
6) To not only mitigate the disgusting sound of the guy smacking his lips eating greasy chicken wings but also the sound of the chicken wing bones hitting the ground after he throws them under his seat because he’s a piece of shit.
Any other benefits of wearing headphones while commuting in NYC?
Some of us concrete jungle inhabitants have been auspicious enough to see this tiny yet talented Michael Jackson impostor in our underground transportation hubs. Whether he’s moonwalking or sliding on two knees, this little critter knows how to put on a subterranean show.
Some aren’t so serendipitous however, and that is precisely why LOLnyc was created. So if there is a vertically challenged 80’s pop star impostor gettin it on, YOU don’t miss it.
Residents of NYC typically make a mass exodus during the summer months.
For most of us, its the hot garbage aromas, odd foreign travelers from far away lands, and the allure of beaches filled with sandy bottoms that congest expressways and crowd airports.
The East End of Long Island is a popular destination for weekday strap hangers and taxi hail-ers. Obviously, city folk need to wet their whistles while on holiday and one particular drinking establishment is called Neptunes.
Neptune’s is a popular hang out for juice monkeys and milk mommas to fist pump and flaunt newly purchased sweater puppets. Chest Melons that resemble the size and shape of the 8th planet from the Sun.
It’s not usually meant to cater to is elderly men fitted in Bob Cousy’s shorts and Pele’s socks…UNTIL NOW THAT IS!
Come to think of it, If I was 97 years old like the man in the picture, I’m going wherever the Milk Mommas are going. HEAVENS TO BETSY!
Subway Etiquette #17: Hogging the AC
When its 103 degrees in the city, and the MTA going through budget cuts slashes the amount of trains, and the amount of trains with working AC’s…Why on earth should you stand directly under the AC and put your arms on both sides of the vents so the air goes directly to you only?
Power move yes, but oh so poor etiquette.
Credit - @DHalioua
Internal Monologue of Gray on Gray Guy In the Morning
What you are about to read is an internal monologue of the guy in the picture before he leaves his apartment in the morning.
Hmmm let’s see what to wear today, what-to-wear. Well, I haven’t wore these shiny gray pants in a while. It’s been like 3 days. So lets just squeeze these bad boys on and work from there. That’s the best way to do it. Pants THEN shirt. Thats how you gotta roll. Especially when you go sterling silver. It shows Strength! Toughness! Resolve! These things hug my balls like mother clutching her baby while riding a roller coaster.
Ok next. SHIRT. Gotta be synonmous with today’s pant selection. Gotta let people know that I mean business today. Wait, what’s this slate number here in the back of my closet? I almost forgot about this gray short sleeve collar peice! This thing is snug, casual, yet classy. Exactly the type of aura I’m trying to portray today. Done. Ok let me put this on.
Man, I’m sharp. Sharp as the tip of a #2 pencil. Same color too actually. One last thing. TUCK or No TUCK? That is the question. A difficult decision indeed. Fuck it. I’m going TUCK and I’m not looking back. Gray on Gray mother fucker! That how it gets fuckin DONE bitches! No regrets, that what I say!
