I imagine that this NYC gentleman’s day went as follows.

9:04 am - Awoke from drunken slumber and failed late night Tompkins Square Park mugging

9:17 am - Found soiled pair of khakis in garbage can on 2nd and 4th. Kicks over garbage can.

9:20 am - Puts Khakis on while still wearing jeans

9:44 am - Discovers half eaten bagel in garbage. Eats Bagel. Licks fingers.

10:08 am - Grabs fat girls ass, stumbles away briskly with a creepy grin.

10:37 am - Jumps on 2nd avenue V train

10:46 am - Rubs against every female on the train while shaking an empty coffee cup asking for change because He “needs to get enough to go catch the metro north to go home”

11:51 am - Gets off at 23rd street stop to gawk at FIT students.

11:54 am - Purchases 40 ounces of Olde English at convenience store

11:59 am - Belligerently throws empty bottle on corner. Smashing it and frightening an old lady. Laughs.

12:07 am - Kicks over the newspaper dispenser. Decides that its time for a nap.

12:17 am - Douchey website owner takes photo. Giggles.