LOLnyc

My first thought when seeing this was: “How the fuck is NO...

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:16:00 -0500

My first thought when seeing this was: “How the fuck is NO ONE else on this subway STARING at this guy when he’s quilting while wearing a hat, pants, and VEST that he also probably quilted?”

My second thought was: “Oh, they probably aren’t staring at him because he’s MENTALLY DERANGED and clearly UNSTABLE.”

My third thought was: “But look at the detail on those pieces. It appears psycho is actually an incredibly skilled quilter”

My fourth thought was: “I should add this to LOLnyc because I haven’t posted on there FOR A MINUTE, yo.

My fifth thought was: “Wait, isn’t he KNITTING not quilting? Fuck it”

Photo/Tweet Credit

How to get your money's worth out of a $100 MTA ticket in 15 easy steps!

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 18:40:00 -0400

Step 1: Have it be raining outside

Step 2: Walk outside of office, towards subway station.

Step 3: Walk by two guerrilla marketing people representing Nokia who happen to be giving out FREE Nokia Umbrella’s

Step 4: Consider yourself auspicious and happily walk towards Union Square subway station.

Step 5: Realize 6 train is about to leave, run down stairs, and stick new found umbrella in between closing subway car doors. Use leverage of high-quality, free umbrella/crowbar to pry doors open doors.

Step 6: Continue prying for about 8 seconds until doors finally open

Step 7: Invite other almost-too-late passengers to join you

Step 8: Be hero for a moment

Step 9: Have undercover cop show you his badge and order you off of the train

Step 10: Expletive!

Step 11: Look at other cop there up and down and make confused face because he looks like an freshman computer science major at NYU (because he’s Asian)

Step 12: Don’t acknowledge or apologize that your broke the ~~MTA’s~~ law because its never worth kissing a ~~pigs~~ cops ass under any circumstance.

Step 13: Realize that your getting a ticket for this so break out lines you think are funny and that also annoy cops such as:

“You guys really fooled me, you DEFINITELY don’t look like cops at all!”
“This is by far the hottest subway platform in the city. You guys have to stand here all day? Wow!”
“You guys must be right out of cadet school, right? No way a cop with tenure gets this beat! LOL!”

Step 14: When the cop hands you ticket that says $100, say “That’s it? No problem”.

Step 15: Don’t say “thanks”. Instead just stand there until cop realizes that you aren’t going to say thanks or bye and he awkwardly walks away.

Did you LOL?

Thu, 26 May 2011 19:01:29 -0400

Did you LOL?

The Dancing Black Man of Staten Island. More famous than you...

Thu, 26 May 2011 10:21:21 -0400

The Dancing Black Man of Staten Island. More famous than you might think. BUT, the question lies - Can he out dance the Dancing Granny? Only one way to decide…DANCE OFF!

Village Voice piece

Dedicated fan Facebook page

WHY IS THIS MAN PLAYING THE BAGPIPES BY HIMSELF ON THE STREET OUTSIDE OF MY APARTMENT?

Thu, 19 May 2011 20:09:00 -0400

AND NOW WOMEN ARE HITTING ON HIM? WHAT’S GOING ON? IS HE A BAGPIMP?

Seriously though, only in LOLnyc does a man dress up in bagpipe uniform then play that shit on the fuckin sidewalk. THERE IS NO PARADE OCCURING now or in the near future. It’s not Scotland day or any shit like that. This man put on the kilt and the whole shibang to stand outside on a residential street SOLO and play bagpipes for over two straight hours. He wasn’t bad but he wasn’t definitely wasn’t great by any means. Even the best bagpipe player in the world can only go 10 minutes MAX before it begins irritate EVERYONE.

AND NOW THIS BUSH-FIRE IS HITTING ON HIM? This is right after he placed his bagpipe in his WHITE MINIVAN. Look how his hands are on his hips all nonchalant and shit.

TWO. HOURS. STRAIGHT.

Look at the products this grocery store is promoting on their...

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 19:02:00 -0400

Look at the products this grocery store is promoting on their front windows.

This image was captured at a Gramercy grocery market in LOLnyc. With store window advertising, the you typically want to promote the HOTTEST products you have to offer at the LOWEST prices. When a walker-by sees that, you want them to think “OH MY GAWD I NEED THAT, LIKE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW HELL YAH”

So the manager of this store figures, ok, how can we persuade the people outside to feel compelled enough to walk inside the store? The managers thought processs might have gone something like…

Hmmm. I know, lets put up an ad for…

Gundelsheim Barrel Pickles! We’ll take a picture of a fork next to a plate with these chunky bad boys! Mmm Mmm! Salty phallic shaped fruit, can’t beat it!

TORANI Hazelnut Syrup! OH SHIT I should pick me up somaDAT! I was thinking about how I need to find a way to make my morning coffee more nutterrific. Let’s throw a bowl out there with nuts just spewing over the edge of it for aesthetics.

Nothing gets a person to walk in a store like Dundee Marmalade smeared on some toast on a green plate. Last time we had a sale on marmalade, two 90 year old women had a fist fight over the last jar. It was a BLOODBATH.

That Vitamin Water sale is actually legit so I’ll give ‘em that. Seriously though, what kinda shit are you promoting here? Fuckin Hazelnut syrup? GET REAL

6 Ancillary benefits to wearing headphones while commuting in LOLnyc

This bench napper failed to harness the POWER that Four Loko...

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 15:19:00 -0500

This bench napper failed to harness the POWER that Four Loko contains and his eyelids shut. However, I would not be shocked if his heart was beating at breakneck speeds underneath that bootleg Adidas jacket.

You may remember similar nonsense on LOLnyc with this post

Photo Credit

John D. Rockefeller would be proud. Seen at the Atlantic -...

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 19:08:14 -0500

John D. Rockefeller would be proud.

Seen at the Atlantic - Pacific Subway stop in Brooklyn, LOLnyc, the Churrontrepreneur handles each precious piece of inventory with care, diligence, and precision. Possessing a keen instinct for market trends, she is able to accurately forecast churro demand so her supply is always capable of fulfilling the needs of her target market, regardless of unanticipated swoons caused by homeless man urine stench.

To some, it may just be thick, coiled fritter of fried dough in a filthy subway terminal. To others, it’s a financial instrument in a board room on the top floor of a building on Exchange Plaza

Insurance Advertisement with Hidden Racism

Tue, 11 Jan 2011 21:07:20 -0500

Insurance Advertisement with Hidden Racism

Behold Dancing Granny in all her glory. Dancing Granny decided...

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 17:33:00 -0500

Behold Dancing Granny in all her glory.

Dancing Granny decided that Starbucks on 29th and Park this particular Tuesday morning was the most perfect forum for her to shake it. And dance a little too? Definitely stretch.

If can clear out the cackling voice of the lady in front of me, you will hear the soulful sounds of Al Green’s “I Can’t Get Next To You”. The title of that song conveniently defines this Granny’s particular dancing style, Jack. Because if you get next to her, you will fall victim to her pendulum arms or capricious hip moves and therefore, “not be able to get next to her”

I’d also like to compare Granny’s spin moves to that of a dreidel spun by a goy for the first time in his life.

Photo captured at the 125th green line subway stop. Have you...

Wed, 08 Dec 2010 12:23:13 -0500

Sweatster between crunch reps

Sweatster mid-crunch on subway floor

Photo captured at the 125th green line subway stop.

Have you ever applied for a gym membership?

They’re more expensive than the rent which is too damn high!

It make much more cents to exercise when your sitting around waiting for stuff. Like that plodding 6 train! Don’t worry that the subway platform and car floor is where diseased rats have sex and spread varmint herpes. Your clothes are soaked in sweaty work ethic and dedication which is practically like Kryptonite for those salacious rodents!

It is pertinent that you have proper form when doing your crunches as well. You must keep your arms and back straight. This is a focal point since the subway is flying around at 50 mph and maneuvering around gaggles of slutty rats.

Wink and point to JW for the find

4 Unessacery Notes

Fri, 03 Dec 2010 18:44:06 -0500

A man is walking down 23rd street. He has headphones in his ears. He is singing “waka flaka flame what the fuck you thinkin ni**a!” He is holding his girlfriends hand.

Brooklyn: Where the dorkiest and most unecessary glasses define how cool you are.

I am unable to spell unessescary without using a spellchecker

That is all*

*Counts as one of the 4 unnessesery notes

Odd NYC Conversations - Part 2

Fri, 05 Nov 2010 12:36:00 -0400

This is part 2 of an odd October morning last year. To read part 1, scroll down on the home page of LOLnyc....So I take the subway to my stop in lower midtown Manhattan and decide to grab a coffee before I head into my office. While in the coffee shop, There's a black guy standing by the register. He was a guy that appeared to be on "some tough luck" or just "a filthy bum," however you wanna look at it. For being a filthy bum, he was rather eloquent. Our conversation goes like this...

Filthy Bum: Hey man, who do you think is better qualified to lead our country, John McCain or Barack Obama?

Me: Um, Probably Obama

Filthy Bum: Yeah Me too, he seems like he knows whats goin on, ya know, like on the streets more than McCain, ya know?

Me: Exactly

Filthy Bum: Hey Man, you got a $1.75, I'm tryin to catch a train

Me: What train? We're in a coffee shop?

Filthy Bum: hahaha

Me: Ok, I'll give you a dollar and whatever change I get from my coffee

Filthy Bum: uh ok yeah

Me: (hands him a dollar bill and 40 cents) look you only need 55...I mean 40...um, 35 cents now

Filthy Bum: Hey man, white people always be taking care of the black man, nah mean?

Me: I take care of any man, black, white, Puerto Rican, or Asain and...

Filthy Bum: Haha YEAH YEAH Man! Hey you ever see the movie Transformers?

Me: Um, yeah

Filthy Bum: This reminds me of when Optimus Prime was like (in his best Optimus Prime voice) "Our planet was a great empire, like peaceful and shit, until we were betrayed by Megatron and he fucked us over and shit"

Me: Why does right now remind you of that?

Filthy Bum: (looks at me with blank face)

Me: Hey man, I'm goin down this street, but keep keep watching movies man, keep watching movies

No Dorothy, you’re NOT supposed to follow this road. That...

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 17:24:20 -0400

No Dorothy, you’re NOT supposed to follow this road.

That is unless, you desire to end up right next to, not the super of a shitty walk up building in LOLnyc, but the assistant to the super of a shitty walk up building.

I’m sure we have all spilled something in our lives at one point or another but as long as you clean it up its usually just fine. Unless your’re a super’s assistant and you’re unable to properly connect the medula vortexs in your brainial cavities and make rational decisions.

Of course I’m referring to the failed attempt to clean up PAINT with a BROOM and FILTHY BUCKET WATER. Quite possibly the worst combination of tools and cleaning solutions since someone used steel wool and shampoo to clean their bathroom mirror*

*That never happened

Odd NYC Conversations - Part 1

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 20:14:13 -0400

I moved to LOLnyc for the action, drama, and random circumstance that makes it so desultory living here. I got my share of weirdness on an October morning before I even walked into my office.It starts of immediately when I stepped out of my apartment building door today. I had a suit on because I have an off-site meeting and I had my rent check in my hand as well. A very odd girl and I had the following conversation...

Odd Girl: Hey look at you Mr. Handsome wearing a suit.

Me: Uhhh, look at me

Odd Girl: What are doing looking all handsome, delivering envelopes?

Me: Um

Odd Girl: Do you have any extra envelopes? Can I have an envelope?

Me: Um, I think I have an envelope, why...? (not realizing where she was heading)

Odd Girl: Can you be my envelope delivery person? huh? Can you?

Me: Um, what? I have to pay rent now k bye

...Obviously caught off guard by her off color flattery, I proceeded to walk towards to subway station. Stay Tuned for Part 2 Tomorrow.

Man Caught Wearing Female Hawaiian Clothing While Walking Around NYC

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 14:53:00 -0400

This photo was snapped at around 10:00am on an LOLnyc Autumn morn.

NO its not a female, in case the bulky calves and meaty forearms didn’t throw you off. This is a Male and YES, he is dressed up as a native Hawaiian lady.

Sporting a Hula skirt, a rolled up belly-exposing Hawaiian style top, two pretty orange leis, and cross training New Balances - This Moke is ready to paint the town and LEI some tourists!

Our correspondents are unaware WHY this person chose to rock an outfit like this. It could be that he lost a pub wager or it could be that he wanted to take “dress-down” Fridays to an entirely new level.

Either way, you can tell by his Haters Gonna Hate like swagger, ITS ON!

This bus was found traveling the streets of LOLnyc spreading ALL...

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 15:46:00 -0400

This bus was found traveling the streets of LOLnyc spreading ALL TYPES of kindness. GET INTO IT!

“KIDS NEED ROLE MODELS” - Although true, no one really wants their child to grow up, purchase a beat-up, emissions-spreading bus, smoke pot all day and force every single person they see to be kinder to each other.

“RESCUE DOG ON BOARD” - Not sure if this means, there is a “rescue dog on this bus” or “this dog needs to be rescued from this bus immediately because he’s riding around in a baked-out vehicle that’s blasting REM album cuts all day”

“FAN MAIL FOR BOGART (the dog)” - Dogs don’t read, no matter how bad of a contact high they get, buddy

“SPREAD KINDNESS TO EVERYONE EVERY CHANCE YOU GET” - Fair Enough

Photo Credit - @twebeck

One Million Acts Of Kindness

Follow @LOLnyc on Twitter

CAT FOR SALE - NYC

Tue, 28 Sep 2010 19:07:00 -0400

Hi everyone,

This cat is for sale. It decent, but sometimes it’s annoying because it does the following…

…gets upset and bites the hand that feeds it…

…occasionally looks like a soaked-demonic-handicapped-tarantula…

…yoozing a bed, ur doin it rong…

…is a close talker.

Serious inquires only. Please email imnot@reallysellingthiscat.com

A fight breaks out at the NY Italian festival 2010 between...

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 16:21:30 -0400

A fight breaks out at the NY Italian festival 2010 between vendor and visitor on Saturday September 18th. Vendor hits visitor with chair WWE style.

Really the only entertaining part of this video is the first 20 seconds. After that it goes downhill unless you embrace people yelling at each other in fits of rage.

Head Nod to This Guy. Favorite his videos or something

The inside of a subway car makes for great acoustics. Captured...

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 22:11:00 -0400

The inside of a subway car makes for great acoustics.

Captured by LOLnyc’s cameras, this Pavarotti protege is poised the become the Internets next sensation.

The first camera angle doesn’t do his vocal chords justice hence the move. Please forgive our crew here and enjoy a stunning performance of a man looking to commemorate this glorious occasion.